


I'll wait for you

by ilvbrwns



Category: B: The Beginning (Anime)
Genre: Boris - Freeform, Boris is too old for this shit, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/M, Keith Flick - Freeform, Keith needs a hug, Koku, Koku and Yuna are adorable, Lily Hoshina - Freeform, Lily needs a hug, Some Attempt at Humor, Yuna - Freeform, everyone that's alive at the end of season 1 is in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-04-03 15:59:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13999605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilvbrwns/pseuds/ilvbrwns
Summary: She wakes up in the middle of the night, scared and confused and bumbling away like frightened child.Her hands reach out for him on instinct and he’s apologetic when she does find the muscle of his arm.“I’m here. I’m sorry.”





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, I'm really angry at myself for binging on this incredible show now that I have no more episodes to watch! I have a lot of feelings about it so this is basically me putting them all down...  
> Enjoy!

Some nights, she goes to him without even meaning to.

It began a few weeks after Gilbert, around the time Keith had gotten suspended until everything could be sorted, him included.

By then she had met Yuna and had gotten reacquainted to the real Koku, the one who has wings and who was brought up in a lab.

By then, she’d gone back at work, trying to move on from everything and having a difficult time with it.

One night, she goes to bed early considering, and she lies there for a while as sleep eludes her. She plays a sequence of events in her mind that never seems like it will end. She sees Killer B’s mark… Koku’s mark. She sees Bran in his hospital bed, Jean’s dying body, the cameras and Keith and then him. Gilbert.

She feels his fingers on her and for a split second she’s certain he’s there and she’s out of bed, slouched into a corner shaking for a long while.

Then it’s blur through which she gets up, starts her car and climbs Keith’s staircase and then she is waiting for him to open his door.

“What the—“

She thinks she bursts into tears or maybe she passes out but she cannot be sure, she doesn’t remember it well later.

Keith must pull her inside because when she feels herself coming back into her body, they’re on his couch and she realizes she is being held by him, with half of her face pressed into his chest. His left hand is steadying her neck and the other is drawing slow, round shaped patterns on the skin of her back.

She tightens her hold around his neck and tries to imprint the smell of his skin into her memory.

It calms her somehow.

***

He says it’s post-traumatic stress.

She says she is fine and when Erick advises her to see a psychiatrist, she ignores him because it is.

Her mother doesn't ask where she goes off most nights and she is thankful for it because she doesn’t have the right words to explain.

She doesn’t remember much of her time with Gilbert, but sometime it comes back to her in pieces and there’s this uncontrollable anguish that overcomes her until she feels like she is dying, alone in the dark and forgotten. And the only thing giving her hope it is Keith’s face, distorted into a strange pallet for colors and his voice, making it better somehow. 

So she goes to him and for some reason he doesn’t say anything about it. To her or anyone. He doesn’t complain and for weeks she finds herself waking up in his bed, glued to his side while he sits there, fully dressed and going over some files with a blank look on his face.

She’d get up and leave and that would be that.

Sometimes Koku and Yuna are in the kitchen making him breakfast and while she’d been slightly put off to find them there at first, out of embarrassment more than anything, she’s been quick to realize she welcomes their presence and soon enough she gets used to sharing breakfast with the two.

Keith never joins them but that’s ok.

***

If she can feel like the only way to deal with it is having a little too much to drink than that’s her issue.

Surely they’ve all been there, right ? Like they can’t escape their own minds. Like they’ll never feel safe again.

Surely she’s allowed the slight abuse on the night that the R.I.S is receiving a medal for stopping one Gilbert Ross from ever hurting anyone ever again.

She cannot stand the hypocrisy. All of these people, the ones giving speeches on their bravery, the ones thanking them. 

They must have known.

Meanwhile, she had gotten stuck with the psychopath and Keith had had to kill him because of her and…

And then, there she goes, gulping down another glass until she’s floating. She’s a little balloon of pure air and she’s floating down a big marble staircase like a princess and it’s going to be fine.

“Lily that’s enough!” 

Boris is staring at her from a couple of steps below and the angle makes his face looks weird. It’s funny! She’s laughing now, this is such a good night! It probably isn’t a good idea, all this laughter is making her lose her balance and suddenly she’s falling.

She ends up slumped against something hard and warm.

“What are you doing?”

She gasps into the chest she’s just propped onto, slowly raising her head to look into a thin, scruffy looking face she wasn’t expecting to see.

“I thought you weren’t coming!”

She so happy to see him she could cry. 

“Kaela called… she said you needed a ride home.”

She snaps her head back to take a better look at him.

“You’ve got beautiful eyes!” she slurs, particularly happy to see Keith cheekbones turn a light shade of red.

“What?”

He tries to help her stand and she feels a strong arm pulling her up. She nuzzles her nose against his neck. He smells nice. Has he always smelled so nice? Is she saying this out loud? God, she hopes not.

“Genie!”

Boris walks up to them and she tries to pay attention to what they’re saying, really she does but Keith’s soft, warm collarbone is making it too damn hard and it’s a lost battle. She hears bits and pieces of things and none of it makes any sense.

“I know this must be hard for you after Erika. But all I’m saying is… the kid has a heart the size of the Cremona and she really cares about you. A lot.”

“Your point?”

“It wouldn’t kill you to be nice to her once in a while.”

She so confused and her head feels so heavy. It lulls to the side.

“Alright. We’re going.”

She feels herself being lifted up. She falls asleep before they’re even out of the room.

***

She wakes up in the middle of the night, scared and confused and bumbling away like frightened child.

Her hands reach out for him on instinct and he’s apologetic when she does find the muscle of his arm.

“I’m here. I’m sorry.”

She’s cradled into his lap and she cries into his shirt as he ushers random sentences in a calm, soothing tone that nurses her back to sleep.

She doesn’t remember much about it, the alcohol surely, only that she doesn’t know what she would do without him.

***

Not too long after, he gets suspended from work and she just knows, without even having talked to him yet that he’s going to do something stupid. She looks for him everywhere.

Finally Yuna texts her to inform that she, Koku and Keith are going out of town for a while…

She is very apologetic about it but when Lily demands to know where they are going, she stops answering her messages and it’s radio silence for the next hours.

She spends them staring at her screen, wasting away her night and wondering if she should ask Eric and the team for help.

Is Keith in danger? Can Koku and Yuna protect him? Will she only make matters worst by looking for him?

She falls asleep and she dreams that he dying in her arms but she cannot move to help him because of Gilbert’s drug.

A day goes by and she’s so at loss that she agrees to see the psychiatrist.

He asks her how she’s been dealing with everything and she doesn’t know what to tell him. She doesn’t know how to explain.

***

When they come back, Yuna is supporting Koku’s weight unto Keith’s couch, pursing her lips because her shoulder’s been shot. And somehow they don’t look as pale as Keith, who walks past her to grab something out of his room, before leaving again.

“He looks exhausted…” Lily remarks.

Koku shrugs.

“He always looks like that.” 

It hits her that he does.

***

When people ask about him at work, Lily keeps to herself and purses her lips.

She sees Keith every night and she feels privileged, like she has some sort of access into his private life.

But then she realizes that this just isn’t true.

Because she might need him but he sure as hell doesn’t need her.

 

***

She tries to ask him how he’s doing. He doesn’t reply and it hurts.

It hurts because she’s being depending on him to feel safe and get better, but he won’t let her do the same. 

He’s not letting her in.

She realizes that all these nights she spent by him, he never seemed to close his eyes or put his files down.

She doesn’t know what he’s doing but she knows he should be resting instead.

***

He want to comeback to work but Erick takes one look at him and decides he isn’t ready.  
She is equally disappointed and relieved.

“Look, why don't you concentrate on getting better first!”

He looks at her like she is mentally handicapped.

“Better at what?”

She wishes Yuna and Koku were here to take her side but unfortunately, they are alone that evening.

“Keith… you’re not sleeping. You barely eat…”

As to provoke her, he sticks a piece of carrot into his mouth. 

She sighs. Calm and patience are her best bet at this point.

“You know you can talk to me right?”

His frown is the picture of disdain.

“ That’s like talking to a wall.”

She’s flying out of her seat, screeching before she’s fully processed what he just said. She’s too overcome by the need to shake him.

“Why do you always have to be so difficult? Just let me help! I want to help! Why won’t you let me?”

He actually gets up and leaves and she’s left alone at his dinner table gaping like the world's biggest fool.

***

The next day, when she feels the urge to go see him, she forbids herself. 

And when she manages to sleep a couple of hours by herself and be somewhat efficient at work the next day, she feels like she’s reached a mountain top.

***

She doesn’t see him for a few days and when her cellphone starts to ring, she’s looking at a crime scene with Mario.

Her screen highlights a surprising name, one that she did not expect.

Koku never calls her.

She thinks about letting it go to voicemail but decides against it, unable to shake the bad feeling tightening her gut, so she excuses herself into a corner.

“This has better be important!” she grunts into her mobile device.

Turns out, it is.

She rushes to the address Koku gave her, a scanty bar on the opposite side of town, and bursts in there with her eyes instinctively finding his form.

Keith is half spread onto a bar stool, a bottle of liquor in one hand and a pen in the other, with which he’s frantically writing figures onto an overused napkin, that has more than served its purpose and is now falling into limbs.

Koku gets up to meet her, interrupting her path by taking hold of her arm.

“I think he’s sick! He was delirious even before he started drinking!” he whispers to her, a mix of worry and awkwardness.

She shakes her head at him in disbelief, angry that he hasn’t been looking out for Keith more seriously. Then she’s walking over to him but he’s yet to notice her when she sits herself down beside him.

“Keith?”

He ignores her in favor of his writing. From this angle, she notices the sickly taint of his skin and his blood shot, overblow, pupils. The bottle he’s holding onto is whisky and it is more than half empty. 

Her heart clenches.

Slowly, she dares to raise her hand against the nape of his neck, which she gently starts to massage until she sees his movement slowing down. It takes a couple of minutes but he becomes immobile and turns to her in surprise, it pains her to see he really hadn’t expected to find her there.

“Lily?”

His voice is rough, unused in days. She gives him a warm smile that she hopes doesn’t come off too tight.

“Hi!”

He blinks, then groans, attention grasped by the right hand she’s placed next to his on the bar stool.

“I’m so tired…” 

He lowers his forehead onto her palm, closing his eyes. His skin is burning up and he’s shivering.

“I know.” She runs her fingers through his hair. “ I know you are.”

She takes his arm and helps him to his feet, signaling for Koku to come and assist.

***  
He sleeps for almost 3 days straight. She doesn’t leave his side.

***

The next time someone asks how he’s doing, she replies before anyone else can.

“Better. We’re all doing better.”

Her good mood isn’t ruined but the realization that absolutely no one seems surprised.

***

And then he goes back to work.

And three days later, Yuna asks.

***

“What’s wrong Lily?”

The thing with Yuna is, she’s generally really direct. She’s been learning what’s socially acceptable to say to people depending on context but she’s still a work in progress, she’s only been free a few months after all.

Lily doesn’t blame her for it but she does tense up significantly at the inquiry and Yuna, being Yuna, doesn’t fail to notice and winces, apologetically.

“Don’t be sorry! I just… wasn’t accepting that. I’m fine though, really.’

But she’s not fine. She’s been trying really hard to ignore what can only be referred to as the aching hole in her chest but she really isn’t fine. And the thing is, she can’t for the life of her figure out why she feels so empty. She’s been assigned a new case, a perfectly ordinary robbery that she is well on her way of solving with the assistant of Boris, who she’s been partnered with on this. Also, she’s left work somewhat early, she is currently being cooked diner, everyone is doing well, no one is out to kidnap her… 

Yuna tilts her head and looks at curiously.

“You don’t know what’s wrong and it bothers you.” She observes with a smile.

Dammit but she is good! For sure, Yuna has mind reading powers, no way this is just her being observant.

“I’m just tired. To be honest I have nothing to complain about so…”

“How’s Keith doing?” interrupts Koku from the kitchen.

“I’m not sure actually. I haven’t seen him much since he came back to work. ”

Oh.

It occurs to her she hasn’t seen him since he’s been back because he’s working with Bran on something and they haven’t said a word to each other since that car ride. And … that bothers her. 

Probably out of concern. 

Completely, understandable, concern… Keith is far from being the most stable person out there and she’s gotten used to being able to look after him.

“Maybe we should ask him to come and have diner with us?” suggests Yuna, a picture of innocence as she is addressing her boyfriend with her eyes never leaving Lily’s face. 

“Ok!”

She grimaces at her own eagerness but decides to ignore her embarrassment in favor of texting the man.

Who never replied nor shows up.

“It’s ok to miss him.” comments Yuna, as she is on her way out.

Of course it is. She’s missed a lot of people in her life! Take her friend Sora for example, who she hasn’t seen in months! And misses notably way less then Keith… ARG!

It’s ok! It’s all ok. It’s the shared trauma talking… she’d been through a lot. He’s been through a lot. He get’s it and it’s comforting. She’s gotten used to the comfort of his presence, and now she misses it. But she’ll get used to it.

That’s that.

***

That isn’t that though.

It really isn’t.

She sighs over her paperwork because she despises paperwork and not because she’s been thinking about Keith all day or anything. 

She hadn’t really overthought it at first, when she’d realize she spent an unhealthy amount of time analyzing his every word. She could sense he was linked to the case at hand and by figuring him out, maybe she would figure everything else out and so him creeping up in her thoughts endlessly had been acceptable.

The case is over and done with now though so… what’s her excuse? 

She does miss him. She misses him a lot. And she’s been trying to guess where he is and what he’s doing, asking around about him casually and failing… and it has been a grand total of four days without him! No amount of self-denial can cover up the evidence that this is strange. She’s acting strange.

(There must be a reason for it and if she followed her trail thoughts far enough she would have figured it out by now. But when she feels she is on the verge of realization she always stops herself and this scares her.)

It’s just that she’s gotten used to seeing him every day. After everything, after Gilbert… she’d come over to see him every, single day. Habits, you know, they’re hard to break.

And now she’s stuck doing paperwork and…

“You’ve misspelled three words.”

She jumps up and is faced with her thoughts’ obsession, pensively glancing at her report.

“And how would you know?” she crosses her arms defiantly, feeling herself smile despite her better judgment. “You can’t possibly have read everything yet.”

He gives a small, disinterested nod.

“You make a mistake every three sentences on average and I see you wrote about a page… you do the math.”

She’s left there, equally pleased and angry that he’s dropped by, as he makes his way towards the exit.

“That’s not even real math!” she yells after him as he’s about to disappear, furious to realize he’s just messing with her.

He waves her goodbye, without turning around.

Yes, clearly just a bad habit.

***

It’s not just a bad habit though.

It really isn’t. 

“What were you up to last night?” she asks, casually biting into sandwich to better pretend she doesn’t desperately wants to know.

Because she doesn’t … He’s free to ignore her like he does most of the time!

Like right now, as he’s opposite her but one seat down at their table, as to not be staring directly at her face while she eats. Instead, he’s staring directly into nothingness, absently nibbling his food with his right hand, his head resting against the knuckles of his left one. She’s almost certain he hasn’t heard her which is why, when he replies in the same monotone way you’d ask for salt, ‘hot date’, she drops her sandwich.

Yep that’s right. 

Because she’s surprised.

***  
It’s not because she’s surprised though. It really isn’t.

“Bran! Psst! Hey! Over here!”

Her colleagues furrows his brow in confusion, making his way to her in the cafeteria like he can’t believe she’s addressing him.

“Hey Lily!” He sits down next to her, giving her a warm smile. “What’s up?”

“What’s up with Keith’s date? Like what is she like? Where did she come from? How did they meet?”

Ok so Bran is starring at her like she’s a little bit scary and it’s offensive! She is not scary thank you very much. She is adorable, and also, a concerned colleague and friend. That would like to know about her other friend’s… well being. Because she is nice. 

(This has nothing to do with the way her stomach has been uncomfortably clenched for the past twelve hours.)

“What date?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Bran! You’ve been working with him. You were working with him two nights ago when it happened. You must have seen her.”

Bran scratches his head in confusion.

“Can’t say I did. We were on a stake out all night! And I can promise you there was nothing date-like about it!” 

He frowns, taking a sip out of his can of soda but Lily is already jumping out of her chair and making her way back to the RIS’ floor before Bran can swallow his drink.

She marches onto their open space with her hands balled into fists, jaw clenched.

What an absolute asshole! Why the hell would he lie about having a date? 

“You lied to me!” she exclaims, making her way toward his desk where he’s miraculously sitting at for once.

Dark green eyes are on her.

“About?”

“Drop the act! You know what about!”

And then he has the nerve to just stare blankly at her! She could just strangle him…

“About your DATE!” she bursts out, blushing when a couple of heads turn to look at their supposedly interesting altercation.

It doesn’t help that Keith looks totally unperturbed.

“It wasn’t a lie, it was sarcasm. Which I’ll refrain from wasting on you in the future!” he adds, lowering his eyes back to his compute screen.

She wants to scream. 

Instead she retreats, head high as can be in such instance where you make a complete fool out of yourself.

She hates him! She absolutely hates him!

***

She does not hate him. 

“ I do not hate him! I just think he could, I don’t know…tell me stuff? Like do you think he’d actually go on a date? I don’t think he’s ready to date but it has been eight years since his sister died… and she was his sister it’s not like they were married or anything and anyway what do you think his type is? Blonds? Oh my god he’s totally into blondes isn’t he?”

Boris stares at her, all wide-eyed like she’s just grown a second head.

“OK….” He says, carefully reaching for her beer. “You’ve had enough I think missy!”

“What?” she gasps, bringing the bottle to her chest. “I have not! This is only my fourth…” she pauses and thinks “Fifth bottle! I’m fine!”

The fact that she slurring out her words is probably not helping her make her case… Boris is clearly unconvinced.

“Alright. I got bored with that other conversation so I’m coming here, what’s up with you guys?”

Kaela drops onto a sit next her colleague. Lily stares at her gorgeous, shiny hair for a while, refraining herself from reaching out to touch it. Maybe she is drunk… she usually not this tactile.

“You’re probably his type Kaela! You’re so blond and womanly and stuff!” she groans as she buries her head in her arms, down on the table.

“Any idea what she’s talking about?” she hears Kaela asking.

“Nothing… she wondering what Keith’s ‘type’ is.”

“What?” Kaela slams her hand on the table, making Lily jump back up to look at her in shock. “You’re still on about him? Good god, girl! It’s been an hour, I thought you’d have changed topic by now. Boris, for the love of all that is good on this earth, please, make her shut up!”

“I did change topic for… a while!” protests Lily. “I’m just wondering why he hasn’t come out with us tonight!”

“Because he’s Keith! He hates everything that remotely resembles socializing!” Kaela points out helpfully.

“Oh man!” Lily is back to burying her face in her hands. “He hates me!”

“See what you’ve done?” Boris mutters under her breath. “We’re never getting her away from the topic now!”

***

She wakes with a bitch of headache and a ridiculously dry mouth. That and an immense sense of confusion that soon leaves room for gut-wrenching shame. Her phone displays about a dozen messages from her mother. She groans into her pillow, wishing she’d never woken up. Maybe if she falls back asleep it will all go away?

The all-demanding need to pee kills that thought.

It’s fine. It’s going to be fine. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, she tells herself as she drags her sorry ass to the bathroom. Maybe she didn’t embarrass herself or maybe everyone was too drunk to notice. Maybe she’s hallucinated the part where Keith showed up and she remained glued to his side for the entirety of the night. She can’t be sure though, everything’s too fuzzy. 

“Hi.”

She jumps up, letting out a pathetic little scream. Keith doesn’t even crack smile, glancing blankly at her from his cup of coffee.

“What… what are you doing here?” she asks, weakly.

“This is my apartment.”

She gasps, looking around to find that she is, in fact, not home but in the middle of his living room.

“What? What am I doing here? Why didn’t you take me home!” she demands, arms crossed.

He shrugs, popping open a book that’s been lying on his table, apparently already bored with her nerve-ending misery

“You lost your keys. And I thought Yuna and Koku deserved a break.”

She screams in frustration.

“Dammit my keys!” Then her head snaps back up in a second of pure, absolute horror. “Wait… are you the one that undressed me last night?”

This gets his attention. He looks at her and frowns.

“What are you talking about? You’re still dressed!”

She looks down at her body and her cheeks flush in embarrassment. 

“Oh. Right!” 

Can’t anybody kill her before she continues digging her own hole even deeper? Anyone? 

Since no one and especially not Keith, who’s just staring blandly at her, seems to be inclined to answer her most desperate call, she decides to take matter into her own hands and let’s out a short, nervous laugh.

“Sorry! I guess I was just worried you’d seen me naked … Ha ha ha!” 

She thinks she’s not getting a reply because he’s back to reading his book. However, as she’s pouring herself a cup of his terrible coffee:

“ I have seen plenty of you naked Lily. Really wasn’t worth a reminder…”

She gapes at him in shock. 

“You’re the worst, you know that?”

***

He really isn’t the worst though.

“It was nice of him to take you home!” remarks Yuna, taking a cautious sip out of her just recently poured tea. “Again.”

Lily sighs, letting her head fall back onto the back of her couch.

“I’m sure he only did it to have leverage against me!”

“You don’t mean that.” 

She closes her eyes. Her head still hurts.

“No I guess not…” She moans. “It’s just I can’t remember much of what happened. Maybe I did something really embarrassing.”

“It’s ok about his shoes, he needed some new ones anyway!” 

Lily opens her eyes wide.

“His shoes?” She notices Yuna slightly embarrassed face and sits herself back up.

“Did he actually talk to you about this?” she asks, carefully.

Yuna blinks.

“No?” 

“I can’t believe this! He totally did! What did say?” inquires Lily, leaning towards her friend, wide eyed.

“Look if you want to know what happened why don’t you just ask him about it?”

Lily burst out laughing, earning herself a curious look.

“Wait… are you serious?” Lily calms down. “Yuna, this is Keith were talking about! He’s not going to tell me anything!”

“Why not?”

“Because! He rarely says anything that isn’t work related! At least not to me…”

She gets lost in her thoughts when it downs on her that he certainly seems to tell Yuna things… And here she thought they were close. Friends even. Apparently, she’s just another work acquaintance to him.

“Lily… don’t sell yourself short.” Yuna reaches across the table and grabs her hand. “He’s just scared.” 

“Scared?” Lily frowns, confused. “Of what?”

Yuna smiles, in that melancholic way only she and Koku know how that just makes her want to hug the life out of them.

“Just talk to him. You should tell him how you’ve been feeling these last few days.”

“But that’s just it!” Lily exclaims, throwing her arms in the air in frustration. “I don’t know how I’ve been feeling! Everything’s weird and tense and I’m confused!”

“Oh.” Yuna looks at her and tilts her head. “I thought you’d at least have that figured out by now.”

“What do you mean?”

Her friend gets up, kettle in hand.

“I’m going to get us some more tea.” She replies, quickly walking off.

“Yuna don’t deflect! What do you mean? YUNA!”

***

She doesn’t see him for the next couple of days. In fact, it’s so weird how she doesn’t even get a glimpse of his unruly dark hair that she starts to suspect he’s been avoiding her somehow.

When she sees him next, it’s because she waits for him on his door step, actually sits herself down in front of it and waits, until it’s well into the night and she hears him climb up the stairs. She’s done it so many times she recognized his walk now.

He appears with his shoulders even more slouched than usual, his face pale in contrast to the dark, prominent bags growing under his eyes.

“Hi....” 

He grunts, walking past her as he’s looking for his key inside his left pocket. She watches him trying to fit the object into his front door for a good minute, with no success. 

His hands are trembling.

“Keith…”

A short noise tells her he’s succeeded in opening the lock. He walks in, making no indication that she should follow but she does anyway. 

She’s the one that turns on the light, he plumps himself down on a chair and stays there, head down.

She bites her lower lip, feeling very little and very out of place while still having no desire to leave.

“What happened? Are you ok?”

He ignores her so she walks slowly over to him, raising her hand towards his shoulder. When she comes in contact he jerks out of her grasp like she’s burned him.

“Stop that!” he hisses.

His tired features tense along with his entire posture to such extent that suddenly there’s nothing but a cage animal, desperate for escape in front of her.

“Stop what?” she asks softly, confused.

He closes his eyes like he can’t stand to look at her.

“Just… stop!”

“Keith…” She takes a cautious step towards him. “Talk me!”

He turns away, walking himself towards his bedroom. The words are out of her mouth without her even thinking them.

“Is it because of Erika?”

He freezes and turns around, facing her abruptly.

“Excuse me?

She almost scared of the way he looks at her. Like she’s just betrayed him and he hates her for it. She hates herself a little bit as well then, but she goes on.

“Is it because I remind you of her? Is that why you can talk to Yuna but you can’t talk to me?”

A sigh.

“We discussed this…”

“No! I ‘discussed’. You didn’t say anything remember?”

Her hands ball into fist and she marches right up to him until she’s only a millimeter away, so close that she feels his sharp intake of breath course through her. So close she’s scared and elated at the same time, a pleasant but unfamiliar warmth piercing through her chest.

“Say it.” She demands defiantly.

“Say what?”

She remains silent until he bares his eyes into hers. It takes ever ounce of her self-control to refrain from putting her arms around him.

“Do I remind you of her? Of your sister?”

For a second his gaze drops to linger on her lips and she can’t breath. 

It’s a beautiful second. 

Then he whispers:

“Yes.”

She didn’t think it was possible to physically feel your own heart break but she does. She takes a step back, nodding slowly. He closes his eyes, possibly because the sight of her is too much for him at this point.

“I’m sorry.” She reaches for his hand but stops when their fingers graze, an apology on her lips. “I didn’t think… I don’t want to make it worst.

A flash of something crosses his features. Regret, relief, sadness… she isn’t sure.

“Lily…”

“I won’t impose anymore.” 

With that she runs out of the flat. And he doesn’t stop her.

***  
When she gets home, she cries.

***

A couple of days pass and she thinks back to an afternoon when he’s perched on his couch, head bent over a book. The sun is behind him. She’s making diner. 

She feels his eyes on her and when she looks up, he’s staring at her, pensively. His lips stretch in a small, carful smile and it’s the warmest gesture she’s ever experienced. He’s still smiling when he get back to reading. 

The memory makes her heart swell with happiness and loss and she thinks, oh, of course.

I love him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaay part 2! Sorry this took so long, life got in the way! I had a much bigger thing planned and wanted to insert some stuff from Yuna and Boris' point of views but then I thought I would never find the time and so here's what I do have. I have sooo many other ideas for this pairing I swear, they inspire me but the problem is time aaaarg! Hopefully I can find some and get more writing done! Anyway, hope you like this!

They don’t talk for a month. She barely catches a glimpse of him, here and there and when she does, it’s like someone is plunging in a knife and twisting it slowly inside her very heart.

Her days are a slow haze of grey blur she has to endure until she’s allowed to go to bed, close her eyes and pretend she will see him in the morning.

She’s almost amazed at how she’d never experience such a thing before. 

She tells herself she must have idealized him in her head and made him the perfect picture of something to love to cheat her loneliness.

And then she remembers she hadn’t known loneliness before him and she’s at loss.

She repeats to herself that it will pass.

It must. 

Because she’d meant what she had said. If being around her is a reminder of his pain then she’s willing to stay away. Her desire for him to be happy surpasses her own needs. If this is what he needs then so be it.

*** 

“ Well at least you’ve sorted your feelings now and that’s a really good thing!”

“Yuna’s right! Don’t know what took you so long really…”

She hides her face behind a pillow.

“Good? What do you mean good? I love him so much it hurts and all he sees when he looks at me is his dead, kid sister!”

“It could be worst!”

“Really?” She glances up at Yuna’s beautifully patient face. “I really don’t see how!”

Not only does it depresses Keith to even look at her but the chances of him ever being attracted to her are as nonexistent as the ones she has of getting over him at this point… 

“What are you saying Lily?”

“I’m saying: please tell me you can take me back to a time when I hadn’t realized how I felt about him and was still pretending being his friend was my goal? Things were so simple back then!”

Koku crosses his arms, and thinks about it then says:

“Sorry. We’re short on miracles!”

Lily groans.

“Unrequited love SUCKS!”

***

She thinks nothing of it when Erick summons her into his office. That is, until he starts to speak.

“I’m assigning you to the case Brandon and Keith have been working on.”

She feels nothing at first, just stares in confusion, trying to decipher what she can from his carefully guarded expression.

“Why?”

If he’s surprised by her defiance he doesn’t show it.

“It’s complex. They could used an extra pair of eyes and you’re not working anything big at the moment.”

“It’s Keith.” She crosses her arms and looks away, embarrassed by his inquisitive eyes. “He doesn’t even need Bran.”

She wishes she could relax her shoulders but she has no control over how tense her entire body has become.

“Fine.” Erick scratches his throat. “I thought you working with him on this would do him some good.”

For a second she’s wants to believe him and almost convinces herself that he is right. Then she remembers that he isn’t but oh, how she wishes that he were. She’s almost certain she’s never craved for anything so much in her entire life and what she mutters next physically hurts her.

“You’re wrong.”

She looks determinedly at her shoes even though she feels his gaze on her.

“ He doesn’t like being around me. I’m too much like her… like his sister…”

“Lily…”

“It pains him.” She gathers the strength to look back, strengthening her resolve. She’d promised herself she’d let him go, she’s not weakening now.

“Erick, I swear to you. Me being around him, it doesn’t help.”

He looks at her for a while, almost contrite. She realizes that he feels sorry for her and she doesn’t even have the energy to feel embarrassed about it.

“I believe that you are wrong…” he starts slowly. 

She opens her mouth, ready to protest but he nods, defeated.

“However I wouldn’t want to make anyone, certainly not you, uncomfortable.”

Her smile is tight and she wonders why he thinks she, out of all people, would feel uncomfortable. Doesn’t he see how much she wants this? Can’t he guess how much she needs this, so much so that she can’t believe she’s giving it up?

She leaves before she can change her mind. 

***

The big team meeting happens a few weeks after that. She doesn’t remember what it’s supposed to be about, yes she’s been distracted sue her, and she finds her chances of catching on do not improve when she actually gets there. 

They are no more seats in the meeting room but the one besides Keith.

She freezes by the entrance, her mind completely blank, before undertaking the slowest, most painful walk of her entire existence. In reality, it probably only takes her thirty seconds tops to reach her destination but the journey tastes like an eternity of torture.

She feels a multitude of things, like the powerful need to run out the door or poignant anticipation and fear of how he might react... There is happiness at the thought of being so close but also embarrassment, from the obvious blood rushing sneakily to her cheeks. On top of it all there are the looks she’s certain she must be receiving because everyone in this room is a cop and if she’s figured out how she feels by now, well the rest of them must have too.

Shit… even Keith probably knows.

The overwhelming need to run is back full force but Erik makes a face and so she has to be professional about this. She trips slightly before sliding onto her chair, carful not to look at the figure on her right and the briefing begins. A couple of minutes in and she feels dizzy from her lack of breaths… she dares not make a too sudden move.

Erik says something about budget restrictions and there’s a general groan as Kaela projects some figures onto a screen but her attention isn’t held for long.

Keith’s lithe body begins to twitch next to hers. It happens a couple of time before she becomes suspicious and dares to sneak a quick look at him. From the corner of her eyes, she can see him nodding off, eyelids drooping. Soon enough his breathing deepens and she realizes he’s fallen asleep.

Because of course, while she’s sitting there freaking out, he’d just fall asleep from the sheer indifference of it all!

He probably hasn’t missed her one bit!

She wants to shake him awake and make him feel pain. That is until he sighs and his forehead collapses with her shoulder and so he’s basically snuggling her in his sleep.

She’s so flushed she thinks she might die. She’s also so satisfyingly happy she thinks she might die. And everyone in the room is staring at her and she thinks she might die… of shame.

“Thank the lord!” whispers Boris when he realizes what’s going on.

She feels her eyes grow from shock.

“Lily, whatever you do, do not move!” mouths Erick over to her.

She’s about to tell all of them off when Boris adds:

“He hasn’t slept in days, we’ve been worried. Just stand still for the next twenty minutes will you?”

She frowns, frustrated by her own heart and how it clenches in concern. Despite herself, she adjusts her shoulder in the hopes of making him more at ease. Keith mumbles something incoherent against her ear that vaguely resembles her name and she hates how heat pools traitorously in her stomach. The guy’s asleep for crying out loud! There’s something seriously wrong with her…

She exhales, slowly crossing her legs tightly together.

The next thirty minutes of her life turn into her very own, tantalizing hell. Who knew having someone literally breathe down your neck could be so pleasantly agonizing? Finally, she’s allowed to exchange her shoulder for a pillow when Boris is certain that Keith is sleeping soundly enough not to be disturbed by the movement.

She tries not to stare too much at his exhausted looking features on her way out.

“Told ya he’d relax with Lily around!” mutters Kaela to Mario, looking smug as she passes them in the hallway.

She hates everyone.

***

 

What happens next is a complete coincidence and Lily does not know what to make of it for quite a while. She’ll tell Yuna about it eventually, when she becomes too aggravated because the scene keeps playing over and over in her heard and she’s not certain she remembers it correctly anymore.

A woman called Nina Chase comes to meet with her on a rainy Tuesday morning. She’s consulting for them, on a missing painting reported by close friends of the royal family.

The woman’s a short, bubbly character with a tendency to wave her hands around as she talks, her general eagerness making her seem much younger than she probably is. Lily keeps having to remind herself that the consultant is here on important business and so not an intern with whom she can joke around.

“If it’s a fake, the detail they’ve put into it is impressive.”

Nina’s short red bangs fall into her eyes so she raises her head to clear them out of the way, catching a glimpse of the glass door behind her in the process.

“Is that Keith Flick?” she exclaims in surprise.

Lily freezes, taking a quick look over her shoulder to confirm what she already knows.

“Yes… he works here.” She replies, trying but failing to sound casual.

She assumes that Nina’s heard of him in the papers or something and doesn’t expect her to wave the man over, which she does.

Lily also doesn’t expect him to oblige but there he is, carefully stepping into the room like he expects to find a ticking bomb hidden in a corner.

“Nina.” He nods curtly, hand still around the doorknob. 

“Hi!” 

Nina opens up her arms, possibly in the hopes of giving him a hug but his stern expression deters her. Then, they just stare at each other for too long in Lily’s opinion. She is perturbed by how tight Keith is clutching that poor innocent handle.

“I didn’t know you guys knew each other?” she pipes in, as innocently as she can, hoping for normal, polite conversation. 

Nina is only too happy to break the uncomfortable eye contact.

“Oh, well we don’t know each other very well!” she confesses hurriedly. “But I used to work with his girlfriend!”

She gasps, seems to remember herself and suddenly looks contrite.

“I’m so sorry Keith… I heard about her passing…”

The doorknob snaps out of place and remains stuck into Keith’s hand, as he looks about ready to throw it at Nina’s face. Lily would feel bad for her if she wasn’t so focused on the sudden mention of a love interest she’s never heard anything about.

“Girlfriend?” she asks weakly, around the same time as Keith mutters Nina’s name in a tone that’s clearly a warning of some kind.

“Yes” Nina tells her. “ That poor Erika!” She turns a pitiful eye to Keith. “She was such a sweet girl. I really am sorry.”

The silence that befalls them is deafening. 

Lily hears her own pulse throbbing in her ears, as her mind tries to comprehend what’s just happened. 

Girlfriend.

She looks up at Keith, hoping for an indication on how she should feel but he remains frozen in place, a devastated look haunting his green orbs. He looks so broken that she instinctively takes a step toward him, yearning for proximity she somehow feels would help him.

“Erika was my sister.” 

He looks down at the object in his hand, confused like he can’t for the life of him figure out how it got there.

“Oh… but…” 

Lily jumps, startled by Nina’s presence. She had forgotten the consultant was even there. 

“I thought…” The redhead gives a nervous little laugh. “I… must have been confused then. How… how silly!” 

She gives Lily a pointed look, like she expects her to understand her confusion. But the latter ignores it, losing herself in the infinite depth of Keith’s tragically serious eyes.

“Honest mistake.” He slams the object of his wrath on the nearest surface. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

And with that he is gone.

“This is so… strange.” Nina murmurs to herself. “I could have sworn…”

She looks at Lily, expecting an explanation.

She has none.

***

I should have asked earlier… about Erika…

Adopted!

I knew it. She doesn’t look anything like you.

***

She takes Yuna out for coffee three days later.

“This woman, Nina, came the precinct for a case. She knew Keith… well … she knew Erika!”

Yuna expects her to go on but Lily doesn’t even know where to begin or how to explain and instead starts playing with a spoon that’s been forgotten on their table.

“Keith’s sister?” asks Yuna softly, after she’s been silent for a couple of minutes.

“That’s the thing.” Lily draws in a breath. “She thought Erika was his girlfriend.”

Yuna’s face is unreadable. 

“I see.” 

“And that’s not all! The way Keith reacted when she said it… it was just.” Lily wants to come up with the right word but she simply doesn’t know how to describe it. “He was so… “

“Upset?” 

“No! I mean yes, of course, he looked… upset I guess but it was more than that… I don’t even know how to explain, it was like he was angry and sad and hurt all at the same time but more.”

“Did he correct her?” 

Lily blinks at her.

“What?

“Did he explain that she had gotten it wrong?”

“Oh. Yes, he did. He said Erika was his sister.”

Yuna nods, pensively. She looks like she is studying Lily now.

“So what’s bothering you is… you think he was lying? That Erika wasn’t his sister?”

“Of course she was!” There’s a little silence and then Lily adds, weakly. “She was adopted.”

Yuna wants to say something, she can tell, but for some reason she restrains and Lily lets it go because her memory has been switched on once more. 

Then you have another sibling beside your sister that looks nothing like you… Yeah, I know everything. Boris told me about her.

Boris.

***  
She waits for the right opportunity.

They need to be the only ones left on their floor, so she can be certain they won’t get interrupted. Days go by before one evening she gets her chance.

“I need to talk to you.”

Boris looks a little startled, he’s not sure where all this determination comes from, but gives her a warm smile. 

“Sounds serious…” Lily’s jaw remains set and he sighs. “I’m almost afraid to ask what this is about!”

“It’s about Keith.” She tells him.

Boris rolls his eyes as he nods.

“Of course it is.”

“Please, I need to know. When she was still alive and he was working here, had you ever seen them… together?”

The older man frowns in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

Lily ponders how to phrase her next sentence for a little while. 

“I mean Erika and Keith…What were they like?”

He blinks in surprised, tilts his head as if to think.

“Oh. Well she was still studying back then, so it’s not like she was around all that often. But her and Keith got along… well. I guess you could say they were close.”

“How close?”

Lily holds in a breath. Boris is totally avoiding her gaze now and so her heart speeds up.

“What do you mean?” he finally demands, voice weak.

Now or never, Lily tells herself.

“I mean… was there something more?”

Now, he’s downright nervous.

“More?”

And she’s slamming her fist on his desk without even meaning to.

“Dammit Boris!” Lily feels the calm and poise, that she had swore to herself she’d display during this conversation, leave her. “You know what I mean!” 

Her colleague is looking everywhere but at her and she can already feel his deflection coming. This just won’t do. She needs answers and she needs them now!

“Boris…” She’s pleading now. “Were they together?”

The look Boris gives her is a mix of resentment and pity. And now that they’re out there, she wonders if she should feel ashamed for even speaking these words out loud. The old man is quiet for a long while, shocked and her unease grows. She’s this close to taking it all back and apologizing for even thinking it when finally, he opens his mouth:

“No.”

Oh.

Lily closes her eyes and let’s out a breath. 

No. 

He said no.

She doesn’t know how to feel about it. She doesn’t know what to make of this ridiculous situation she has gotten herself in. She doesn’t know right from wrong anymore. What she does know is that something’s not making sense, she can feel it and it’s killing her.

A warm touch is on her hand when Boris speaks again, softly. 

“I can’t know for sure but I don’t think they were ever together. Keith didn’t want… he didn’t want that for her. She was his little sister.”

Startled, Lily opens her eyes again to searches his gaze, feeling her pulse accelerate drastically.

“Adopted!” she mumbles, because she feels she should defend him somehow.

“Yes, adopted.” Boris’s smile is not unkind. “Nevertheless, he wanted what was best for her. He didn’t think that was him. And then… she was gone.”

Lily squeezes his hand back, too tight because her chest hurts.

“Did he actually told you this, Boris?”

He looks like he’s going to avoid her again but then she actually sees it on his face when he changes his mind. 

He shrugs

“I guess he might have mentioned something. Once. And only because he was blackout drunk.” 

Boris rolls his eyes at the memory but not without breaking into a sad smile.

“Listen Lily. I’m pretty sure he’s never told anybody this. I don’t even think he meant to tell me…and I know for a fact he doesn’t remember saying anything. Please don’t…”

“You known I wouldn’t.” 

She pauses, licking her lips. There’s still something she needs to figure out. 

And it’s what matters most. 

“Boris…did he want to be with her? Did Keith feel the same way Erika did?”

Regret crosses the old man’s face, because of the past or what he’s about to say, she can’t be sure. Then he sighs. 

“I think so. Yes.”

Lily let’s out a breath she had no idea she had been holding. Then her mind gets lost, trying to recompose this entire puzzle, to map out how things must have been. She imagines Keith pushing Erika away for her own good. She pictures him learning about her death, standing over what had been left of her…

Her heart breaks.

“Lily, I know how this sounds!” pleads Boris, misinterpreting her crushed expression for something else. “But try not to think too poorly of him…”

She gasps, refocusing on him.

“Poorly? Of Keith?” 

First a smile stretches her lips but soon enough she’s laughing and tears are forming at the corner of her eyes. 

She dries them, shaking her head. 

“I have to go! I need to find him!” Lily exclaims, jumping to her feet.

Boris shakes his head in disbelief but lets go of her hand.

“Yes… I suppose you do!”

***

Even she can’t call parking the way she leaves her car halfway across the street. Slight regret briefly crosses her mind, but then she sees his lights are on and she’s climbing the stairs to his floor before she can change her mind.

He probably hears her run up because she barely knocks and there he is before her, a guarded expression on his face.

“Lily?”

He looks awful. Sickly pale, bleary eyed and radiating weariness … and it’s the most wonderful sight in the world because for the first time in weeks, he’s looking at her. 

“Can I come in?”

She enters before he can say no. Damn but he looks so miserable, she’s sorry for ever believing leaving him was a good idea.

“What do you want?” he asks, sounding almost defeated.

She smiles, nervous but resolved.

“Look… I know it’s complicated between us. Complicated for you…”

He frowns, looking slightly surprised and she’s almost proud to find that she has the ability to surprise the great Keith Flick. 

She goes on:

“You’re not very big on relationships. You lost a person you loved and you were alone for years… and then there was Gilbert and you barely had any sense of closure.”

“Lily…”

Her name is like a question on his lips. His eyes are lost and she yearns to touch him but she can’t. 

Not yet.

“I’m willing to wait for you, Keith. I will wait for you. Until it doesn’t hurt when you look at me anymore…”

He lets out a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair.

“You don’t understand…” 

“But I do.”

She walks up to him like she’s walking into a battlefield, locking eyes and he’s so transfixed that he doesn’t even think of stepping back.

“No, Lily…” He clenches his jaw, turning his face away. “You should go…”

“I will.”

She remains patient until slowly, he dares to look at her again and his shame is so transparent she wonders how she ever missed it.

“I love you.” She breathes, placing a finger on his lips before he can say anything about it. “I want to be with you so much it hurts. You have no idea.” 

She steps a little bit closer to him, drawn in by his thoughtful eyes like a moth to a flame. 

“But still, for you I’ll be patient. For as long as it takes until you’re ready to give us a try… because I think you’ll see that you want to.””

His mouth is hanging slightly open and she wonders if she’s coming on too strong but it’s too late to turn back.

“I promise, I’ll wait for you. But first, I want you to do something for me.”

His breathing is coming out a bit labored. Or maybe that’s hers. 

“What?” He almost groans, against her finger. 

She takes his hand.

“Kiss me.” Lily stands on her toes and raises her chin until her lips grazes his. “I want you to kiss me.” She murmurs against his mouth.

His right arm is encircling her waist just when she’s pulling his neck down towards her. And then their mouths are crashing together like a wave and her eyes close as she drowns in the feel of him. 

If she had expected something soft and guarded, this is anything but. He devours her lips like a man on the brink of starvation, swallowing down the shameful, breathy moans she comes to realize she is the one making. 

Keith runs his hands down her lower back while she presses herself against him, eager for more, demanding it with each little movement of hips she begins to make.

He groans, and she needs to hear him make more of that sound, but then he’s pulling away and burying his face into her neck.

“Shit!” he’s holding her tight and it’s torture to remain still and not reclaim his mouth for her own. “You should go… we can’t…”

He shakes his head, at lost for words, but he doesn’t let go of her.

“Ok. If that’s what you want…” she breaths into to his ear.

She waits a little while but he makes no move to release her, so she adds, in a tiny hopeful voice:

“Are you sure?”

Finally he pulls away from her and she almost screams at the loss of contact but then he’s cradling her face into his hands.

“Look at you!” he murmurs, gaze infinitely fond. “You drive me insane you know that?”

She pulls him back in, wrapping her legs around him as he’s lifting her up on a kitchen stool. 

***

Later, when they’ve made it to his bed and she’s resting her head against his chest while he’s playing with her hair, she can’t help but murmur, a little smug:

“You know, I really was ready to wait.”

He snorts and hits her head with a pillow. 

“Right.”

***

It’s Yuna who asks.

A couple of weeks have passed, they’ve just finished diner. Koku is making coffee, Keith is doing the dishes and they are alone at the table.

“So… are you guys like together now?”

 

Lily hesitates and sends Keith a look, fidgeting in her seat. She doesn’t know if he’s ready for that and she doesn’t want to pressure him. She also doesn’t want to deny the entire thing and send the wrong message because it isn’t like this isn’t something she yearns.

His back is facing them and it doesn’t look like he’s heard the question. But then, as she is about the change topic, she hears him say:

“Yes.”

There is a slight pause and then Yuna turns to Koku who appears triumphant.

“I knew it! You and Boris both owe me 10 bucks!”

But Lily ignores them, in favor of Keith who’s now rolling his eyes and yet, smiling discreetly at her.

And her heart swells.


End file.
